Strength to Walls
by Cloud @ lifeofcloud.net
I think all this strength I am giving myself via positivism, optimism and continuously making an effort to be happy is causing me to create walls. At first they began as walls against negativity, against dramatics, against anything set out to bring me down, but now I’m beginning to think they are turning into walls against anything that may potentially make me happy, but which hold no long-term guarantee. It is a very strange feeling as I have never felt so, I wouldn’t say guarded or even distant, but perhaps disconnected. Like all switches on my fuse box are flipped except for one, the one that involves taking a risk.
I am really trying to better myself as each day progresses. I think walls hinder progress. I think of walls as shutting out oneself off from a beautiful, luscious garden where, yes, poisonous plants exist, branches with spines will try to scratch you and make you bleed, but the sweetest fruit does grow, and the softest grass just waiting for one’s bare feet. Eventually the vines will attach themselves to these walls either breaking through them with the strength at which nature takes on everything or climb up and around them. There is no escaping the garden. I am just making it more difficult for myself and for the beauty and happiness to swallow me whole because I’m afraid of some burrs or some thorns. I’m going to make a conscious effort to build my walls around the garden rather than cutting the garden off.
I’m going to take some risks.
I’m not going to be afraid of getting hurt or unhappy simply out of fear of breaking this optimistic flow I’ve got going here.
I need to remind myself of my strength, of my bravery, and that I can survive a few bumps, scratches, bites and bleeding that the garden may bring my way. I am strong. I am sensitive, but I have strength beyond compare. That is something I really pride myself in and value about myself. I love my strength. So what am I afraid of? I’m bulletproof!
Today, I will take the first step. Today, I will pull out that bottom brick.