Head vs. Heart
by Cloud @ lifeofcloud.net
I lead with my heart. I always have. I’m this disgusting romantic who has watched too many Disney movies and believes that everything could have the fairy tale ending. And so, in crucial decisions, my heart takes the lead. The first thing I ask is, “What am I feeling?”
My head hates me for it. While it’s running through the pros and cons of my decisions and the cons are taking centre stage, my heart is plugging it’s ears and saying, “lalalalalala!” I always believe in giving people second chances (sometimes third, sometimes fourth). I stick around with something far longer than it’s worth my time. My patience exceeds what many deserve. My selfless love and care let’s itself get walked over twenty more times than it can handle. All because my heart thinks that happy endings in all situations are inevitable.
This makes my brain want to punch my heart, so hard. Because in the end, leading with my heart, leading with my creative, wanderlust, day-dreaming, sensitive organ is the worst of choices. I have a history of this never working out for me, and I know it should change, yet I still continue with this heart-leading nonsense. Why?
Because if I don’t have my dreams, if I don’t have a love-lust urge driving all my decisions, I simply wouldn’t be me. If I don’t have my fairy tale dreams to hold on to, what have I got? Claudia as a child would think my adult self has lost all hope, lost the dreamer, the lover, the romantic, the fairy-tale chaser that she truly is. So I can deal with the heart ache, I can deal with the consequences of bad decisions, I can deal with my brain reflecting on my decisions post-fall out and telling me, “I told you so.” Because I refuse to give up the belief that life will eventually work itself out in a fairy tale fashion. I know it will.